The Great Calorie Conspiracy and Battling the Bulge

When I was a kid, I ate candy like some people drink water.  It seemed to have the same effect, none.  I don’t think I ever experienced a sugar high back then.  But since I was forced into adulthood, I have had a constant battle with my waistline.  The thing is, it is generally a good sign when you come from parents who were thin.  Neither of my parents ever weighed more than 140 pounds, and that is not because they were midgets, they were of average height.  I, on the other hand, have weighed in as much as more than 240 pounds.  Granted, I am considerably taller than either of my parents were, my mother probably 5 feet 2, and my father about 5 feet 6.  I am 5 feet 10.

When I went into the army in 1968, I weighed in at about 185.  I was 19 at the time.  Many years later, like ten years ago, a doctor told me that was my ideal weight.  What!?  The last time I was at that weight was in 1971 and I had been in the hospital for two weeks and not eaten a whole lot.  Since, I have managed to end up on the army’s “fat boy” program.  I believe I was 230 at that time, and I hadn’t reached 30 yet.

Right now I am around 220 but that comes with constant exercise and a semi-healthy diet.  It is rare that I have fast food of any sort, and I am moderately successful with staying away from chocolate and other sorts of candy, high fat nuts, and chips.  I do not like sugared soda so that is not an issue for me.

Here is one of my major problems.  I am addicted to chocolate.  Yes, I admit it.  Unfortunately, even having done a thorough search, I have been entirely unable to find a 12 step program for chocolate addiction.  I looked on the Internet and I thought I had found just that sort of group.  It is called “Chocoholics Anonymous.”  The bad new is, it is a chocolate store in California!  The bastards knew we existed, and they are playing upon our weakness to draw us in!  Those people are amoral and obviously have no conscience.

Everyone knows somebody who seems to be thin no matter what.  You will ask them what sort of exercise they do to keep the weight off and they will respond that they do not exercise.  Really?  How can that be!  This very same person can be seen eating everything in sight when you sit down to a meal.  They do not stay away from the starches, the fatty foods, the carbs.  No!  They eat at will.  In general, I think life is always fair but that is the exception.  The only thing I can come up with that explains their amazing metabolism is that they cannot possibly be human.  They are some alien species that has been set down here on earth as part of some huge scientific experiment by E.T.

Seriously, ask any doctor about such people.  Find the person that is the same age as you with relatively the same diet.  That person is thin, always, and you are not, always.  The doctor will invariably respond, he doesn’t know why.  It is not like this is something new to science.  There have been innumerable studies about obesity and never ever have I heard of any findings that explain why we get fat.  Therefore, it has to be a diabolical plan that E.T. is conducting on us.  Nothing else makes sense!

Now that we all agree that E.T. has got to be behind this conspiracy, it is time we also accept that chocolate and sugar cane are not natural to this planet!  Long before humans were capable of writing down their thoughts, E.T. planted the stuff everywhere it could possibly grow knowing how defenseless the average human is to it.  Once humans discovered the stuff, I am certain it was done with a little prodding by E.T., humans started getting fat!  Seriously, humans are genetically not predisposed to getting fat.  We are members of the animal kingdom, and with the exception of dogs and cats, none of the animal kingdom gets fat!

Now you say, ah ha!  Other animals do get fat!  But consider who they are allying themselves with. Us!  By nature they are hunters but we humans reduce them to beggars of our food.  They are not required to hunt to live.  Also, we pen them in, so their natural exercise that occurs during hunting goes away.  They get fat!

Well, you inquire properly, why would E.T. even care that we get fat?  Simple.  Where ever E.T. came from, getting fat was banned long before their most recent history.  Also, the harvesting of sugar cane and chocolate on their planet is against the law, very much like marijuana is on this planet.  They foolishly forgot to log why getting fat was outlawed and what its consequences are.  They needed to conduct a scientific study on others of their kind, and this being against the law as well on their planet, they needed specimens to study.  And voila!  They knew about this remote planet with a bunch of apelike creature who were genetically identical to them and a scientific experiment was born.

Why tell you all this?  Simple, next time someone tells you that you are fat, or you actually feel that way, remember it is not your fault!  It is E.T.’s fault, whoever E.T. really is.  I expect that scientific experiments being what they are, E.T. has also come up with the fat antidote and returned it to his home planet.  It is only fair that E.T. share his finding with us.  You can be sure that our Federal Government is fully aware of E.T. having an antidote but the sugar and chocolate lobby does not allow them to reveal E.T.’s findings.  If that were all there was to it, we would probably have found out anyway.  But, even more sinister, is they would finally have to admit that Area 51 is real and the aliens that were held there were the ambassadors of that far away planet.  At the time of the flying saucer’s crash, we were fearful of being annihilated by an angry E.T. and felt compelled to keep it quiet.  Once the government found out that E.T. knew the crash was purely accidental, however, the government was trapped by its own lies and therefore vowed that the truth would never come to light.

Remember also, were the antidote given to human beings there would no longer be any need for the “health gyms.”  Health food stores would lack for purpose and everything related to such business would fail.  Hopefully now you can see the vastness of this conspiracy keeps us, me, from enjoying those things that come natural to us and that we find enjoyable.


How to Get From Here to There

Now if you live in New England, as I do, you have no doubt heard the expression, “you can’t get there from here.”  That’s New England speak for “it’s way to complicated to give you any reasonable directions” or, “I have no idea how to get there.”  That said, you have got to admit that getting there can at times be extremely difficult!

I remember wanting to there once.  That particular time, there was a place called Dublin, New Hampshire.  Dublin is the headquarters for Yankee Magazine.  It sounded like a quaint place to go on a day I had nothing else going on.  I looked at a map to see which routes in needed to take.  This was, of course, long before the GPS took care of all such problems.  Dublin has no four lane highways anywhere near it.  It has a single two lane numbered road that passes through its center.  That is not at all unusual in rural anywhere.  Thing was, I had it in my mind that you should be able to get anywhere interesting in about an hour.  That was about the time I was beginning to believe “you can’t get there from here.”  I did end up going there, however once I was there it occurred to me that it had not occurred to me that it takes about 3 seconds to slowly crawl through such a town’s center.  I was left with the question, why had I wanted to go there in the first place when I probably would have been better off staying here.

Now there is another scenario I’m sure we have all experienced.  We decided there is the place we want to vacation at that we have never been to before.  Well, we leave home, here and make our way there.  Once there, and suitably happy with where we are staying, we make the decision to head out and see the sights.  Everyone knows that all the sites are somewhere removed from where we went to, there, which is now here, and so we are once again confronted with going from here to there.  Once we are at are destination if it happens to be a place known for its food, for instance, we will ask a hotel employee for a recommendation and we’ll be given one.  Once again we are confronted with the getting from here to there, and that can be particularly troubling if there happens to be a city in a foreign country and we don’t know the language.  In attempting to follow the first set of instructions we discovered we’ve become hopelessly lost, and not only do we no longer know how to get there, but we’ve also lost sight of how to return to what had been here.  Our sense of self-assuredness gone, we hail a cab to get us there, and hope he really knows how to get there.  Worse, the cab driver, a person who knows exactly enough English to say he knows how to get there, but he instantly recognizes we don’t know how to get there and since he can take us as he pleases and insure his fare is fair, as far as he is concerned anyway.

There are times in everyone’s life where there is the best possible place to go.  Those are the times we say to someone “I want to be somewhere, anywhere but here.”  Most people will passively agree with us or somehow show the acceptance of our situation.  But if someone were to press us about where we would go, we find that we don’t have an answer for where there actually is.  Worse, we haven’t even considered how to get there.  Now some people will say, don’t worry about it, just go!  I am certainly guilty of having said those words.  I made a plan and went there.  I lasted there for about a year and then made another plan to return to here.

Well, that brings me back to that old Yankee saying, “you can’t there from here.”  Maybe the truth in those words are this: once you get there, where ever it may be, you are really here and there is just another place to go.  We never really leave here.  We are always here and here is actually a pretty good place to be.  If we don’t like it here, maybe we just need to change things up a little, come up with better plans, and sometimes, just grin and bear it.  Certainly things could be worse there but we just a certain know how things are here.  Isn’t the known better than the unknown?

The Anatomy of the Female Mind–A Must Read For Men

I have not got a clue.  I am a man and when it comes to the female mind, we men really do not know what they are thinking.  Even when they claim we have read their mind, it is just a trick.  Women have always known that allowing men to believe we know what they are thinking is just to get us to go along with what they are really thinking.

When humans were in the infancy of the species, women had already gotten a plan on how to get men to do their bidding.  In those earliest of days, women were given the brains and men the brawn.  That has not changed, much.  Men have always had to chase the woman and get her attentions, even way back then.  Once the woman decided who she would allow herself to be caught by, she immediately pointed out to the man how much stronger her was and that of course he truly had to be the “hunter /  gatherer.”  How did she do that since communication, as far as we can tell, was little more than a bunch of grunts and groans?  Easy, she allowed him to “have his way with her” and immediately got pregnant.  Once pregnant she made it obvious that childbearing was about all she could, or would, do.  But she did it in a way that the man was convinced he had conquered her, had his way with her, and that he had dictated her place to be with the children.

That particular setup was done while she was still single and hanging out with the other single girls.  Whenever a sabre tooth tiger would show up, she feigned freight and immediately hid behind the closest group of men.  In do so, she signaled the men that since they were all so strong and wonderful, it was only natural they should want to defend their women.  And guys, not only did we fall for it then, but we are still falling for it.  In truth, way back then women actually spoke the same language as the sabre tooth tiger and knew they were never in any sort of danger.  I mean think about it.  Is a cat not a feline and do we not think of feline as being female?  Guys, who do you think invented that idea?  We didn’t!  I can assure you of that!

That was just the start of a litany of things women have thought  of to control their men and compel them to do their bidding.  Men have the misconception that they basically created the languages of their world.  No!  We may have created a lot of words that exist in any language, but when it came to forming sentences, women have always been at the forefront.  The theory is that in society, men and women share the same spoken language.  It is true that here in America we all speak English but the translation of those  words is controlled by women.  Any guy who has been with a woman has heard her say “that is not what I meant.”  And when we dare ask her to explain she acts put out and replies, “Weren’t you listening?”  At that point most of us bow out having been cowed and made to feel that we in fact had not been listening.  And for guys who are pretty good listeners, woman use a different technique.  They will say something like, “honey, remember how we talked about doing (insert subject here) and we agreed that we would . . . ”  Those words are used to confuse the good listener making him think they have already had a conversation.  Men almost always respond that they remember the conversation even though it never happened.

The most recent thing invent by women to cajole and control their men is the “man cave.”  Oh yes!  Guys, we didn’t invent that and if you think about it, where are most man caves?  In the basement!  What better place can a woman get her man to go so she can do what she pleases!  Not only that, she gets us to build this place making us believe it was our idea in the first place!  Really?  What is in most cellars besides the hot water heater and the furnace?  How about the washer and the dryer.  Did not we men designate such appliances and being the woman’s domain?  Now she’s got us spending time next to the washer and drier!  And as to the rest of the house, who decorates it?  Not us guys, that’s for sure!  Aside from the entertainment center, maybe, she has designated what should be bought for the rest of the house, what it should look like, and where it must be placed.

Single guys, prepare to see “girlie flicks” once you get married.  It is not a matter of choice, you will do it.  I still have not figured out how they get us to do it but they do.  And when you want to go see an action adventure movie, well, you better have sons or other husbands who will go with you.  Your wife will have other ideas that you will agree when present by her that of course she should be doing those other things.  Shopping is a given.

Guys, the female mind is extremely complex and men have yet to decipher it.  It is unlikely we are going to figure it out anytime in the near future either.  Acceptance is not only the best route, it’s the easiest route.  Women are much smarter than us and they know it!  A million years of human growth has allowed women to not only stay a step ahead of men, but to improve their ability, in the long run, to convince men that it was their idea in the first place.

Guys, if you don’t believe what I’ve just told you then do this.  Tell the woman you are with your plans.  If she responds with the single word “really,” this means she saw your plans coming and has made her own which of course do not line up with what you had in mind.  If she responds “that’s nice,” run, don’t walk, because not only does she not like your plans, but she is going to strike back quickly and incapacitate you.  And if she responds in a manner that says basically how great she thinks your plans are, prepare for a contest, because she already has plans that will make you wonder why you made your plans in the first place.

Guys, we love our women but never doubt that we are here to do their bidding, and they still think in terms of “love, honor, and obey” towards us.  If that is all they are demanding, consider yourself fortunate.  Regardless, the woman who has allowed you to be in her life, to share her space, who is allowing you her intimacy, has judged you worthy of her consideration.  And when you consider everything else I have said, that means you are doing pretty good, that you have a good woman who will protect you with everything she’s got.  You’ve done well, so, DON’T SCREW IT UP!!!!

A Second Look At Occupy Wall Street

I was watching the NBC news yesterday evening.  They were showing video of the police removing people who were participating in “Occupy Oakland.”  The visions on the screen took me right back to my experience as a young adult.

In the late 60s and early 70s the anti-war moment was at its height.  Our country had never seen such a movement that so polarized us, moved us, incited us, but mostly forced us to thing.  It is my belief that it was that movement which made President Johnson decide not to run again for president, regardless of whatever else has been said about his decision.  Why?  Simple, I think he recognized he was in a no-win position.  He realized in 1968 that the Vietnam War was unwinnable but that exiting from it, at that time, was simply not in the cards regardless of what was going on in the country.  I also think he was just worn out.

Anyway, what I saw last night were the police firing tear gas into the crowds.  They marched relentlessly towards the “Occupy Oakland” people until they won.  Now if you dial back to 1969 or 1970 or 1971, you can see that exact same scene being acted out over and over again in many cities around the United States.  The anti-war people then, and the “Occupy Oakland” people now were heard to say that excessive police force was used.  As we look at either picture we find the truth in that statement.

What I see now that those in power in the 60s and 70s missed, and that I believe those in power are missing today, is that these people have the courage to express in public what many of us think or feel in private but for one reason or another do not express.  As the 1960s turned into the 1970s the support for continuing the war in Vietnam lessened until finally everyone wanted out.  That is the same thing that is happening today although the solution is far more difficult.

When you are a nation involved in an unpopular and unsustainable war, you find a way to exit that war as quickly as  possible and at the least cost.  That’s exactly what we did in Vietnam, and now in Iraq.  Unfortunately, to solution to the economic ills of this nation are not nearly so obvious regardless of what anyone in either major political party.  It is not something as easy as raising taxes, throwing money at the populace, or contending you know how to create jobs.  This is a problem that is extremely deeply rooted and is going to be very painful to extract our country from.

The “Occupy Wall Street” movement is just the beginning and is not likely to go away anytime soon.  The coming winter may well curtail some of the “Occupy” scenes but rest assured, once spring comes the people will return to their “Occupy” posts and in greater numbers.  I believe that now, as back in the Vietnam War era, those in power are feeling very cocky and think that these protestors will go away in time.  They believe that time, power, and money is on their side and because of that they will win out.  Nothing could be further from the truth as we found out during the Vietnam era.

Once a large enough portion of the population becomes angry it must be respected and a reasonable response must be provided.  I have heard the contention that no one knows what the platform and demands of the “Occupy” people is.  The only way you could honestly make such a statement is if you had been on a trip to another star and had not been given access to current events.  Their message could not be more clear.  They are tired of the excesses of the rich and powerful.  They are tired of an unresponsive government to these obvious excesses of power and influence.  And the believe, rightfully, that their government has been co-opted by those very same rich and powerful people.

There has never been a time in the history of America that when a large enough group of people got angry about something that they did not win.  And only once, when one of these movements was victorious, were the results of their victory reversed, that being prohibition.  Nonetheless, history teaches us that this is must be attended to.  This issue is not going away anytime soon particularly in the absence of a positive response.  And while it is impossible to predict how this will all end, it will get more and more painful as the crowds doing the protesting become larger, which they will.

The Art of Being Crazy

I know, it sounds like a contradiction in terms, art of being crazy.  Some of the sanest people I know act crazy and some of the craziest people I know are the most sane.  Ah, another ambiguity, seemingly, on my part but I assure you it is not.  I guess I need to start at the beginning, when I was young.

In 1958 I had just turned 9.  In September of that year I started going to a new school, the Franklin School, because it was a little bit closer to my home than my old school.  I was excited to get out of the dreary old building and into a nice new building.  I walked to the old school so of course I walked to the new one.  One day early in the school year, just a short distance from the new school, a lady came out of her house in her nightgown claiming there was a man in her house.  Something told me at that moment that she was imagining things.  I don’t know what told me, instinct probably, but that’s what I thought.  It turned out I was entirely correct as for the next four years she was frequently out there claiming the very same thing.  She was the first crazy person I knew.  Now in this case, I don’t think there was much sane about her.  It was the pre-alzheimer’s era which is likely what was wrong with her.  I say that because I think that ultimately exempts a person from being crazy since in truth their brain is being turned into mush by a hidden disease, but one that you can actually see when you look for it.

In high school I was simply depressed, all five years.  Yes five, I repeated my junior year.  I think I also had to be crazy because I never got kissed, lost my virginity, drank, got into a fight, or anything else normal teenage boys did.  My biggest problem was in how I “acted out.”  I took it out on my brother and sister, not physically, but I was never at a loss for mean words and actions.

In the summer of 1964 I was working on a farm, the second summer I had done so.  I was paid the hefty sum of $25 a week for 40 hours of work, and it was hard!  Well, one day, a hot day, there were three of us weeding the onion portion of the field.  I was really thirsty and really hot and frustrated because there was no way to get out of the heat.  So for reasons I have forgotten, I fell down on the ground and started flailing around like a crazy person all the time yelling foolishly.  It was the first, and last time for many many years, I acted out my insanity.  They guys thought it was funny as hell and for my part I felt a little better afterward, although my actions had taken something of a toll on the onions.  How crazy was all that?

In my senior year at high, a private school in New Jersey, a guy came up to me one day and dared me to eat a deep-fried grasshopper.  I did it.  It wasn’t too bad actually.  The guys thought I was a little crazy, was I?  That was 1967.

Four years later I was in the army and living in Italy.  I had bought a 1960 Jaguar from a guy who was returning home.  It was a sedan but it was still a pretty fast car.  One day I was driving to work and had a friend with me, Jim.  At the time in Italy, anywhere there wasn’t a posted speed limit you could go as fast as you wanted, so I did.  We were on SS 1, Via Aurelia.  That’s the US route 1 of Italy.  Well, just before I have to make a left turn the speed limit was 50 k/h, about 30 mph.  Now also in Italy there are about 7 various police forces all of whom could have a presence on any road.  The most fearsome of all were the “Stradale” who are comparable to the state police.  The thing is, over there they carry this little thing we called “the lollipop” because it was a circular thing, white on the outside and red on the inner part, at the end of a short pole, that they would hold out to indicate they wanted you to pull over.  Also, and this may just be an urban  legend there, it was believed that if you sped by a stradale they were permitted to shoot to kil, the rationale being that you were probably a fleeing felon.  Jim believed this.  That day, just a little ahead of us, a stradale stuck out his lollipop as I was going about 120 k/h.  Even though I immediately put on my brakes I blew  by the guy.  Jim kept saying, “You’re crazy man!  We’re gonna die!  We’re gonna die.”  My response to his rantings was to laugh hysterically which I was still doing as the stradale approached my car.  In the end I got a 30,000 lire ($50) speeding ticket, payable on the spot.  Was I crazy?  Well, I do have a great story to tell.

A year later I was at a friend’s apartment in Italy.  The guy was Taiwanese.  We all called him “crazy George.”  George was not a U.S. citizen but that isn’t a requirement to be in the US Army.  George had arrived in Italy in 1971 which meant he had to stay there until 1974.  Well, as in everything, there is the “exception clause.”  In those days the “exception clause” was if you volunteered to go to Vietnam.  Remember, the Vietnam War was still going on at that time.  We all thought that act brought credence to his name.  As if that wasn’t enough, George told us he planned to get there by driving his 1965 Rambler, a very unreliable car to say the least.  We thought he was kidding but when the day came for him to leave, his car was packed and he drove off.  Last we heard George made it, but we didn’t know how.

You hear a lot of stories about the food in the army, how bad it is, etc.  The truth is, it varied.  It could be really good, and other times, not so good.  Breakfast was the exception.  They made eggs to order and I always ordered an omelet.  They were always good.  You don’t get a lot of what you want in the army but that was truly an exception.  I was living in a barracks next to the mess hall at the time when one day one of the cooks came chasing a guy through the barracks with a rather formidable meat cleaver.  I don’t remember what he was chasing the guy, but I think it was because the guy had been a total asshole.  The cook was shipped home a couple of days later and given a medical discharge, or so I heard.  Was he crazy.  Just before that the head cook, a sergeant first class, was brought up on charges of theft.  He had supposedly been selling meat to the locals.  Before he could be court martialed he was “allowed” to retire.  I never did understand that but I think that was crazy.

In 1981 I had a job in the Marshall Islands at the Kwajalein Missile Range tracking satellites.  I used to drink a lot in those days and when I did I had this habit of going out onto the reef on the ocean side to catch lobsters.  Why was that crazy?  Glad  you asked.  Because the ocean side of a coral atoll there is a very steep and very deep drop off where the reef ends.  The reef isn’t that wide either but it is fairly flat until the point it drops off.  So there I was, drunk out of my mind, stumbling all over the reef.  Now that was crazy.

There are plenty more stories I could tell but this would just become too long.  My point is, what is or is not crazy can be a very relative thing.  First you must have a definition for what crazy really is and I’m not sure I have one.  To make the point, I was certainly one of the people calling George crazy but was he really?  I think he probably had an experience of a lifetime.  Today, I don’t think he was crazy at all.  Maybe some of what he did was not thought out too well, but it certainly wasn’t crazy.  Crazy is one of the things I have reconsidered.

New Englad vs. the Tropics

I was born in New England and still call it home.  But during my life I’ve had the chance to live in the tropics on two different occasions.  I bring this up because we are going through our annual change from warm and sunny to cold and cloudy.  I always hate this time of year.  I’m a fan of being outside, not in.

In 1978 and 1979 while on active duty with the army, I was assigned to Schofield Barracks Hawaii, the 25th Infantry division.  I’ll always remember upon arriving in Honolulu the scent of gardenias filled the air.  I knew immediately why they call it paradise.

What most people don’t know is Hawaii has a winter season.  During December, January, and February the weather can be rather stormy and cool.  It’s all relative of course.  In Honolulu I don’t think the temperature ever goes below 50 degrees but on such days it might only rise to the mid-60s.  During the winter months beach weather can become a little scarce.  Now, I have absolutely no complaints about my time in Hawaii but I did want to make the point that it is not sunny and 70 every day of the year there.  As an aside, while I was there Hawaiian Airline used to run a commercial which showed one of the jets flying over a snow field on the big island of Hawaii.  You could also but a bumper sticker that many might take as a joke.  It said “Ski Hawaii.”  On the side of the volcano Mauna Loa there is a ski lift.

Then, from 1981 to 1982 I had the pleasure of living at the Kwajalein Atoll in the Marshall Islands.  That group of islands is just 9 degrees above the equator.  As a comparison, Honolulu Hawaii sits 21 degrees above the equator.  That puts Honolulu about 800 miles north of Kwajalein.  The temperature in Kwajalein stays between 72 and 82 all year round.  It is truly an island paradise that few people ever get the chance to experience.  There are still coral reefs there that are unspoiled by man, unlike those off the coasts of Hawaii and Florida.

At atoll is the top of a volcano, sort of.  By that I mean, the rock portion of the volcano sits hundreds of feet below and coral has grown from it until the islands were formed.  Every atoll has a lagoon and let me assure you, those lagoons are gorgeous.  You get to swim among some of the most exotic fish you could ever want to see.  One time a blue fin tuna swam about 5 feet from me and despite my attempts to touch him he lazily keep that 5 foot distance.

At night I was able to go out on the ocean side of the reef and pick lobsters up with my hands.  I don’t care for lobster but I was able to trade the lobsters for baked good from married couples on the island.

Imagine a downpour from a thunderstorm.  That sort of rain could come for hours or days on end there.  Since coral is extremely porous, there was no problem of flooding.  That and the fact that no where on the island was more than three feet above sea level.  And tsunamis could not happen  because a tsunami requires an inclined beach to hurt anything which don’t exist there.  Also, there was almost no chance of being hit by a typhoon since typhoons are spawned near the equator, as we were, and move northward.

From my experience in those two tropical locations I came to find that I look forward to the seasonal changes we have here in New England.  I think Christmas should be cold and white, no chance of that in the tropics.  I do enjoy a good snow storm.  I just don’t like the twelve plus hours of darkness.  There is something to be said for having a real four seasons, even if the are annoying sometimes.

Ten Burning Questions

I have a bunch of questions that absolutely need answering.

1. What’s the difference if something burns up or burns down?

2. Why do we have streets, avenues, roads, and boulevards?  Couldn’t we just pick one and go with it?  And what’s the difference between them?

3.  We say “drink it up” and “drink it down.”  Is there a difference?

4.  Why do we say we are “going to run to the store” when we know darn well we will drive there, or walk?  I’ve never seen anyone run to the store, have you?

5.  What’s a “moment”?  You know, like when someone says “one moment please.”  What’s the minimum needed to make a moment and when does is become two moments?

6.  Is there such a thing as “one sheep” or does it become a lamb at that point?  Isn’t a lamb a baby sheep?

7.  Why do we say “take a nap”?  I mean, what are we taking it from?

8.  If I said “I went down to the beach” doesn’t that really mean I went to a subterranean beach?

9.  Does anyone besides me think that the term “soy milk” is ridiculous?  Milk comes from mammals and the last I heard, soy is something that grows on a plant.  So why not call it what it really is, soy juice.

10.  Why are all the best tasting things in life fattening?

All right, I know there are more than ten questions in there, but still, they all need to be answered.  Life as we know it depends upon it.