Addiction–My Ongoing Struggle With Chocolate

I have no idea when I was first introduced to chocolate but whenever that was, it was love at first bite.  I was probably given chocolate ice cream as an infant which means, of course, it is all my parents fault.  They introduced me to one of the most addictive substances known to man.  I am certain that I inherited this affliction so it is something they had to have known about.

When I was old enough to earn a little spending money, I never had an allowance, my first thought always was to buy some chocolate.  There was a small general store near our house and I was a regular customer at its candy counter.  The thing is, one candy bar was never enough and in those days most candy bars cost five cents, except the Peter Paul brand that cost a dime but they had coconut in them which I have never cared for.

I was a slave to the Chunky bar, the Nestle’s chocolate bar, and when they came out, the Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes.  A mere twenty-five cents meant the ability to buy 5 chocolate bars!  I do not remember ever having a sugar high from all the chocolate I ate but maybe that was because the chocolate high I experienced was more powerful.

Curiously, or maybe not, I have never been a fan of hard candy but that may be because it is never chocolate.  I remember during the Christmas season being disappointed that most candy was something other than chocolate.  As you can imagine, food-wise, Easter was my favorite holiday as chocolate reigns supreme.  Think of it, they make huge chocolate bunnies!  Who would not like that?  Certainly not me.

I was always one of the bigger kids when I was in elementary school, taller but not fatter although I did carry a little extra weight.  But when I became an adult, and my chocolate addiction had not subsided, my weight became a constant problem.  To be fair, chocolate has been far from my only food problem as an adult.  Things like fried chicken, bacon, and just about anything else that it fatty, I find appealing.  Still, if I were to make a list of foods I really like, chocolate would be number one on any such list.

An example of how addictive chocolate is to me came a little more than a week before Thanksgiving this year.  I knew I would be going to my sister’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.  I was bringing a lot of snacking things.  I had bought two bags of M&Ms.  I was home alone with them one day and my addiction was calling out to me.  I desperately needed that taste of a little chocolate.  I opened one of the bags and swore to myself that I would only have one handful and no more.  This one pound bag of M&Ms was finished off by me before the end of the next day.  Once opened, I did not stand a chance against that bag of M&Ms.  I could almost literally smell them from any room in the house.  They called out to me, “Eat me!  Eat me!”  Being the pleaser that I am, I honored their request.

I know there exist 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, and others.  But there is not a single 12-step program for those of us thoroughly addicted to chocolate.  I am mired entirely within this addiction and there exists no help!  Like any good addict, when I am feeding my addiction it feels great.  But afterwards, I promise myself that I will get it under control or even swear it off entirely.  I have known success to a limited extent, as much as 2 months one time.  But invariably I find myself doing chocolate’s bidding.

The most embarrassing part of this addiction is when I have to see my doctor.  She does a blood test which always shows my blood/chocolate levels to be well above the acceptable level.  I am serious about this.  That level is more commonly known as your triglycerides.  My triglycerides are frequently off the charts.  It is a heart attack waiting to happen.

I want to start a support group of some sort.  I am certain there are other chocolate addicts out there but I do not know who they are or even how to make contact with them.  I am hoping that this might be just such a vehicle.  I will be impatiently awaiting to hear from other chocoholics now that this is posted.


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