Because of some of the organizations I am a part of, I know a lot of people of all ages. I frequently hear women bemoaning their inability to find Mr. Right. Too many of them get tangled up with “Mr Right Now” and of course they get a lot of heart ache and heart burn. I like to tell them, “You know, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.” The implication being that one day they kiss the frog who turns into their prince. But some of these women decide they will opt for a “bad boy.” I am not sure why they do that except that maybe they believe a bad boy will add excitement to their life. That sort of logic escapes me but those same women who are bemoaning their inability to find Mr. Right have this weird attraction to bad boys. I tell them, bad boys are bad news!
I never found much of any attraction to a “bad girl” but I can see how in fantasy such a person might be fun. But she is definitely not the girl to marry. In that respect, and even though I have been married more than once, I chose good women. I look at my former wife and I see a wonderful person who was a very good mother to our children. We are good friends today, and I love that.
Every now and then you will hear the question arise, “should you ever date your best friend?” My response is an emphatic, “Of course!” But that needs to be expanded just a bit. My mistake, when I was younger, was to be looking for someone to marry without considering other more important things. I have come to find that the person you marry should rise to the level of best friend long before you marry her, or him. If that person you are with does not have that status then they are not someone you should marry. The glow of early relationship and then honeymoon wears off. Once that happens what are you left with? Well, you better be left with your best friend, a person you want to be with and who you enjoy being with. This is a person you are always comfortable with, and in whom you put complete trust in. That means, when you cannot speak for yourself she will instinctively know your wishes and follow through.
There is another part to this that needs consideration. That is the part where you love yourself, or at least like yourself, and not in a narsistic fashion. Every person has a certain energy about them. This is not some sort of new age philosophy. To the contrary, it is fact. As individuals our moods affect those we come in contact with. People love being around happy upbeat individuals and move away from depressed morose individuals.
Before we get into any sort of love relationship with a person we need to feel good about ourself. I can tell you from personal experience that if you are feeling weighted down by life then you need to get right with yourself before you bring someone else into your life. I have never been big on loving myself but these days I really do like myself. I do not worry about who likes me or dislikes me regardless of their reasons. The world is no against me in any regard. I am responsible for making my own happiness happen, and when I am bored or unhappy, then I need to fix that first before continuing on. I can, and do, ask for help in that respect sometimes and that is a good thing.
Last night I heard a man say, “On your way to wonderful, you will first come to all right. When you get there, look around and appreciate where you are because you will likely be there for a long time.” That was Bill Withers who said that. In case you do not know who Bill Withers is, he is a successful singer who wrote and sang songs like, “Just the Two of Us,” and “Ain’t No Sunshine.” For such a successful celebrity, I was struck by his absolute humility. Such a man, i believe, bears listening to and so i did.
I am living in “all right” and really enjoying myself. At times I get moments in wonderful and always feel extremely fortunate. I have a great life.
To bring all this together, I am suggesting those of you considering a relationship with someone or wishing for a relationship with someone, do an inventory of yourself and you condition. If you cannot in totally honesty say that you are completely satisfied with where you are, where you are headed, and who you are, do not consider a romantic relationship until you can say all those things. Have lots of friends, have lots of dates, but stay away from commitment until you can not only give that person a person you really like, but a situation you live in that you also really like.