What follows is a true story and solely my experience. Alcoholism does not run in my family. My parents were not alcoholics, my sister isn’t, but I am not sure about my brother, probably not though. The only person in my extended family who definitely was one was my favorite cousin. And he was that long before I took my first drink.
Just a tiny bit of background. From a young age, my mother would allow me to take a sip of the wine she had set out for my father for when he got home from work. It was love at first sip and I sipped for many many years. I once heard a fellow share at a meeting that the legal age for drinking in South Boston was 12. He was joking, of course, but he was putting a date on the beginning of his drinking career and I have heard a lot of people put similar dates on their drinking careers. But for me, my first drink happened at age 19 at the Fort Wolters (TX) officers’ club. And it was not just one drink. That would have been too easy. No, I went through 23 drinks, all but one of the 7 and 7 variety. Needless to say I was blackout drunk. And a little later that evening I made a total fool out of myself back at the barracks where I managed to fall completely down the barracks stairs from the 2nd floor to the first and then tumble into the latrine there hitting my head hard on the concrete floor. A number of my mates rush to see if I hadn’t killed myself.
And that was the last drink I took until January of the following year, 1969. I was stationed in Korea in what was ostensibly a war zone. In those days Korea was a very lonely place for a person who did not make friends easily. I discovered a club called the USOM (United States Overseas Mission) Club. I don’t know what their mission was but it was there that I took up drinking straight shots of rum. A very fast, cheap, drunk that was. In those days it was rare that a military person had to pay more than 25 cents for a drink of hard alcohol. After $3 you could be really drunk. Many was the night I did exactly that.
As an aside, for now, I entered a contest called “The Miller Man Contest” whose first prize was R&R in Hawaii. I entered it and immediately forgot all about it.
When I returned to the U.S. in December 1969 I had no thought of drinking. My father died almost exactly one month later, January 24, 1970. A month later, while I was suffering from a particularly bad case of the flu, there came a knock at the side door. Upon answering it the man on the other side asked, “Where do you want it?”
“Where do I want what?”
“Twelve cases of Miller beer.” It seems I had won an alternate prize. Curiously, at that moment I did not care for beer and suddenly I had 12 cases of it! I did sell off over half of it but I also gain a taste for it. But there was no getting drunk. In fact, between then and October of that year, I barely had anything to drink at all. October 1970 is when I went back into the army and found myself stationed in Italy. I never drank every day in Italy but when I did, it was always for the same two reasons. I either wanted to escape reality or I wanted to feel sociable. In other words, I saw alcohol as medicine and that never changed.
There were only a couple of times in my entire drinking career where I drank a got drunk for more than a couple of days in a row. And those times were me drinking for a week solid. But then I’d stop. And I could stay stopped for a month. But put a little stress on me and I was looking for a drink to release the stress. It never occurred to me that stress relief would come via facing what was challenging me.
I cannot say I never drank in the morning, I did. I cannot say I never drove drunk, I did. But most importantly, I cannot say that my drinking only hurt me, it did not. Most importantly, it hurt what should have been healthy relationships, my wife, my daughters in particular.
In the final years, I had so many liquid lunches it was ridiculous! I had one half hour for lunch at work. My half hour started at about 11:30 and ended at 1, regularly. And I was always chasing that “buzz” which left me feeling good. But mostly I blew past the buzz and into another universe.
Finally, on July 3, 1998, I was out and about in Boston with my girlfriend. We started drinking about 11 and continued on. I can remember at the first place we stopped I ordered a beer, it was a hot and humid day, and I told the waitress that as soon as she went back to bring me a second beer because I would definitely be done with the first, and that is exactly what happened.
From there my girlfriend and I wandered down the Boston Esplanade to a place where we lay down in the grass and just took everything in. I actually sobered up. But when I got up I felt light headed. And when I started to walk, I found breathing a bit difficult. My girlfriend looked at me and told me that I literally looked gray. She thought it best we call an ambulance but I objected, saying that the Massachusetts General Hospital was so close that I could easily get there. Well, that meant I had to climb and cross this foot bridge over a busy thoroughfare to the hospital. It took all the will-power I could muster to make it over that bridge and then fall into the emergency room. It took the doctors fewer than 3 minutes to diagnose me with having a heart attack.
A doctor a little later came by me and said, “you have to stop drinking and drugging.” To which I replied, “but I don’t drink!” Alcoholics are really smart people who while drinking say incredibly dumb things. And there I was, instead of denying the drugs, which would have been the truth, I picked alcohol, which was the problem. It never occurred to me that this trained observer, this physician actually knew what he was seeing and talking about.
It wasn’t until later October that I found my way to Alcoholics Anonymous and had my last drink. I put my sober date at November 1, 1998 because I had no faith in myself that I could remember something like October 23 which was probably the last day.
But I was still not an alcoholic, in my mind. I went to meetings because they promised to make my life better if I would stay away from a drink a day at a time. I figured that was a fair trade and also, I was desperate. Even more, where step 2 of the 12 steps refers to a return to sanity, I knew I was crazy and if this 12-step program could stop the crazy in me, I was all in. And it actually took me a few years before I realized that I was truly an alcoholic.
Today, 21 years and 4 months later, my life is really good. I could still argue that I am not an alcoholic but to what end? The kindness, the wisdom, the friendship I found in all those meeting I went to are second only to the birth of my daughters. And without the meetings, saying I was still alive, it is doubtful I would have any of my daughters in my life today, or anyone else for that matter.
My story illustrates that you do not have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic. If you drink to be sociable, because otherwise you cannot, you might think about it. If you find yourself getting blackout drunk, you might want to think about it. If you find yourself waking up in strange places with no idea of how you got there, you might want to think about. If you think you are too young to be an alcoholic, think again. Were that true there would not be alcoholics anonymous meeting meant for young people, teenagers are regularly sighted at such meetings. And if what I have offered about is not enough,
If you are reading this and wondering if you are an alcoholic do this: make a vow to yourself that you will not drink for 90 consecutive days and that for each of those 90 days you will find an A.A. meeting, attend it, raise your hand a tell people what’s going on with you, and stay after the meeting to talk to members of the meeting. I promise you this, you will not regret it.
If you remain unconvinced, take a minute to take the test below which was developed by Johns Hopkins University.
20-Question Addiction Questionnaire John Hopkins
Johns Hopkins University developed the following self-test for identifying alcoholism and addiction. Please answer the questions as honestly as possible.
- Do you lose time from work due to drinking or drug use?
- Is drinking or drug use making your home life unhappy?
- Do you drink or use drugs because you are shy with other people?
- Is drinking or drug use affecting your reputation?
- Have you ever felt remorse after drinking or drug use?
- Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of your drinking or drug use?
- Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking or using drugs?
- Does your drinking or drug use make you careless of your family’s welfare?
- Has your ambition decreased since drinking or using drugs?
- Do you crave a drink or a drug at a definite time daily?
- Do you want a drink or drug the next morning?
- Does your drinking or drug use cause you to have difficulties in sleeping?
- Has your efficiency decreased since drinking or using drugs?
- Is your drinking or drug use jeopardizing your job or business?
- Do you drink or use drugs to escape from worries or troubles?
- Do you drink or use drugs alone?
- Have you ever had a complete loss of memory?
- Has your physician ever treated you for drinking or drug use?
- Do you drink or use drugs to build your self-confidence?
- Have you ever been in a hospital or institution on account of drinking or drug use?
If you answered “yes” to 3 questions, it suggests you probably have a drinking or drug problem.
If you answered “yes” to 4-7 questions, it suggests you may be in an early stage of alcoholism or drug addiction.
If you answered “yes” to 7-10 questions, it suggests you may be in the second stage of alcoholism or drug addiction.
If you answered “yes” to more than 10 questions, it suggests you may be in end-stage alcoholism or drug addiction.